I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
