4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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