two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
