we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
