And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize