I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
