I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
