we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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