I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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