All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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