Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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