1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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