i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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