So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
