He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
