There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
