I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
