headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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