are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
