So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
