She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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