it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I love you. Go after that dick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
where are my eyebrows?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
