I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
