she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I die, sorry about rent.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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