it's not cheating when I paid for it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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