I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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