My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
