Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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