Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
