I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
