Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i now understand why vodka
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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