you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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