I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
