He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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