We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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