just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
