dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
