And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
