i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
