I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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