If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
