Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
