I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
