just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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