The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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