did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
