She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
