I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
