Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
