No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
