it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
