the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
