She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
