I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
