'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
