I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
