More tranny stories later!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
