Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
