my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
