his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
