foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
