I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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