i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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