Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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