Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i believe in u and ur pee
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
