Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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