Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
