i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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