my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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