Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
