I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
