So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Couch. On fire.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
