i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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