did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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