Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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